Personal Analysis
"Now when I look back on the whole, I find the Lord hath given me ane body not very strong, and yet not weak." So John began a retrospective analysis of his mental and physical attributes from childhood to his latter years of his life.
From the age of fourteen until he was forty, he was often troubled with the "magrin". and between the age of thirty and fifty, he claimed he had "severall fitts of the gravell." The latter was mainly brought on by some outward cause such as "watching, fasting, wetness, or cold in my feet, or immoderate studie."
For his occasional bouts of toothache, he made use of tobacco, which he claimed soothed the pain at least. He was shortsighted, not being able to discern well "any thing or person afar off, but have found no need of spectacles, and can read on small print, and with little light, and wearying , as almost as any other."
His disposition and inclination was generally soft, timorous and averse from becoming involved in debate; a conflicting assessment considering his life`s campaign on behalf of his religious views. Rather he was inclined to laziness than rashness, and too easy to be wrought upon. Solitariness was his preference. "Wandering of minde and idle thoughts," was a shortcoming of his, he acknowledged.
Covetousness, cares nor many other ills, including debt, were of no trouble to him. He was never rich, nor did he want; only once did he borrow money, "six pounds sterling and got it shortly payed." "Would rather want sundry things than to be in debt."
Any stipend he had from all three parishes he ministered did not meet the maintenance of his family. Fifteen children were issued from his marriage to Janet. The dowry received with Janet as well as what was bequeathed them on the death of his brother, were well received.
"I have sometimes continued reasonable long ryding, both journey and post, without great wearying. I hardly remember that I have wearied in reading or studying, although I have continued sometimes seven or eight houres without rising. I used to read much too fast, and, so somewhat pleased in the time, but retained little." His hunger for reading was so insatiable, and the subjects so diverse, that it was compared to others` lust after play and recreation.
A "waterish and weak" memory which failed to recall all that he read, was what he claimed. Yet, paradoxically, he found no great difficulty in attaining a tolerable insight into Hebrew, Chaldee and Syriack as well as Arabic. His grasp of languages also included French, Italian, Spanish, and Dutch (high and low), each one enabling him to make use of their respective Bibles.
On his preaching, he tells us , "I never attained to any accuracie therin, and, through laziness, did not much endeavour it. I used ordinarly to write some few notes, and left the enlargement to the time of deliverie.
"I found that much studying did not so much help me in preaching, as the getting my heart brought to a spiritual disposition; yea sometimes I thought the hunger of the hearers helped me more than my own preparation."
Many a time he found his sermonising more refreshing, both to his congregation and to himself, than what he had intended.
In his latter years his health began to give him cause for concern. "...whether constant sitting at my studies, or one time upon bussiness walking long too and and again through the town, without rendering any urine, so long at last my urine was bloody, or any other infirmity, or age creeping on, may have been the occasion, I cannot determine; but since the year 1667, and therafter, I have such ane constant pain in my bladder, especially when I walk, that I have been forced to take ane house nearer the church.
"Yet neither I, nor such doctors as I consult with, can be certain whether it be a stone, or only ane carnosity in my bladder. Also my hand shakes, so that sometimes I can hardlywrite with it. It shakes so. Otherwise, I bless the Lord, I find hitherto no other great defect of body or minde."
Keeping in Touch
Despite his enforced absence, he continued to keep in touch with friends left behind in Scotland.
His family would often visit him and his wife in Holland and he would take advantage in entrusting them to fetch and carry his correspondence.
By this means, he would often write sermons for his old parishioners in Ancrum, and these would be read out to them. Notwithstanding the distance between them, the message he imparted might well have been delivered personally. His concern for his former parishioners was all too apparent as was made plain in the contents of these letters. His sermonising continued from afar.
In one letter to his parishioners written while he awaited transportation into exile in 1663, he exorted them to pray for him that he be kept faithfull, fruitul, and blameless to the end, and that it it was God`s will, he would be restored to them.
Some nine months before his death, and obviously in severe physical discomfort, suffering from an advanced state of urinary touble, he wrote a last letter to Ancrum.
In this one, he excused himself for a long period of silence which he put down to his lazy disposition and indisposition to writing. He apologised for shaky handwriting, and also he felt anything he put on paper now would be scarce worthy of reading. However, this did not deter him from writing at length, twenty two pages of closely written script.*
*I have the full epistle in my possession but its length does preclude me from superimposing it here in full. J.P.S.
He used this final message to remind them of his path through life with all its pitfalls and, yes his triumphs.
For miscarriages and neglects in his life, he desired to go mourning to the grave, but he entreated them all to pray for God`s pardon of him and for purification of both his public and private life.
His sermon to the people of Ancrum was not tempered one iota despite his long absence. he continued to preach fire and brimstone, warning those, to whom it applied, of the consequences of ignoring God and his teachings.
"I take instruments, before sun and moon, and all the creatures, that I have left this warning....... I also, as your lawful minister, sent to procure your reconciliation with God, shall appear to witness that ye got fair warning, but did reject same, and would needs choose death."
Livingston continued in this vein for much of the letter, but his tome mellowed as it neared its finish. He apologised, "I fear ye shall hardly read my hand, and yet it hath taken near by as many days to write as there are pages; but it was not fitting to make use of any other`s hand."
He signed it from "Your loving and Lawful Pastor, John Livingstone, Rotterdam, 7th August 1671."
